i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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