The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
