ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
