i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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