Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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