I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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