I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
