Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
