I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
