Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
