dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
