Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
