I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
