i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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