Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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