just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
