we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
