Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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