an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
