PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
