put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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