Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
