She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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