And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
