Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
