lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
