i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
