There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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