it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
