I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
