I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
