Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
