Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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