OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
