Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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