I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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