At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
