a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
