I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
