Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
