Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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