At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
