he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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