The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize