just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
