drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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