Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
