2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
