I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
