so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
