This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
