I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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