Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
