So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
