Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
