shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
