New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
