sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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