I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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