I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
