I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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