my mouth tastes like poor choices
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.