i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe