My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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