I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"