Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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