he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear