Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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