her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
