Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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