You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
