Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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