there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
