I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
