My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
