Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My bed smells like the plague
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
