You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
