i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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