she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
