she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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