If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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